Talking to your daughter about sex
Adeteju Ogunrinde, MD, FAAP
Children’s Healthcare Center
Waldorf, MD. 20602
Adolescence is …..
- A time of storm (G. Stanley Hill)
- Inconsistent and unpredictable (Anna Freud)
- The confluence of all great physical and psychological changes
- The time your tail falls off (Kermit the frog)
- 5 stages in boys and girls
- Girls- ages 8-13 completed 2-4years
- Males- ages 9-14 completed in 2-5years
What puts adolescents at risks?
Changing anatomy and physiology-the immaturity of their genitalia predispose to infection
- Studies shows Parents influencing decision to wait 37%
- Friends influencing decision 33% so beware of your child's friends
- Siblings influence 6%
- Media influence 5%
- 94% of adolescents and 91% of parents think adolescent should be advised NOT to have sex before completing high school.
- 87% of adolescents agree it would have been easier to postpone sexual activity if they were able to have more open conversation with parents.
- More factsIn 2005 studies shows 6.2% of 13y/o girls reported having sex, a drop from 1999 study (8.8%)
9.0% of boys were active before age 13yrs also a drop from 1999 (12.7%)
46% of 15-16y/o reported having had sex
66% of 12-19 y/o reported they wished they had never had sex so early
Risks associated with early sexual encounter…
- Increase risk of multiple partners
- Increase of Sexually transmitted Infections (STI)
- -Increase risk Teenage Pregnancy
- Increased risk of other mental health issues, and fall in school grades, drug and alcohol use.
- Be prepared-read about the subject, practice what you have to say, consult with your spouse or a friend.
- Speak clearly and calmly, be honest.
- Listen-Give your teen a chance to ask questions.
- Try to strike a balance-if you meet resistance, explain this is an important topic and would like a few minutes, then talk, your message may get through. Leave a promise for future meeting especially and whenever she is ready to approach you.
- Ask for help- If you just can not talk to your teen, ask your pediatrician, a mentor, a trusted family member or spiritual leader. Most importantly –don’t give up.
Is your teen sexually active?
- Take a quiz online using a Behavior calculator provided by University of Maryland medical systems:
These behavioral calculator also shows reduced risk of early sexual activity in parochial schools and strong religious belief.
- Studies shows repetitive open communication with teens reduce the early onset of sexual activity.
What to talk about.
- Sex education remains primarily the duty of a parent, every mother is entitled to and will worry about their daughter, we all know how much our parents worried about us, and though some may or may not have listened, that voice at the back of your head is always a reminder to be true to yourself, so keep talking, you never know when a good seed is sown.
- Schools are encouraged to give sex education early in middle school, studies shows teens influence each other about 40% so if abstinence is one of the cool things taught at middle school life experience, then a whole lot of middle school would have made up their minds about waiting before getting to high school, where the rate of sexual encounters quadruples the rate of middle school.
- A lot of parents look into religious parochial schools because of the moral values they bring to the table, studies have shown this to be beneficial and should be encouraged where necessary at these schools.
- Recurrent open communication remains the gold standard of abstinence and safe sex, emphasis being on recurrent.
- Pap smear is recommended at age 21years or 3 years after being sexually active.
A message to teens from your Pediatrician by AAP.